Many medical professionals do not know what they are doing!

Ernie's cold turkey diazepam withdrawal story

I thought when Saddam Hussein made a man pay for a bullet and then at gun point made him kill his own son, that was the nearest one could come to evil on this Earth. However with psychotropic drugs I am not so sure.

Several years ago, a consultant who performed a fenestration on a disc in 1997 requested an MRI scan. On examining it he said there was inflammation and said that it would settle down in time. I later discovered that inflammation meant arthritis.
I have had trouble with my back for many years. During 2003 I had a painful back for several weeks. During 2005 on rising from my bed in the morning I would be twisted and in pain but after about an hour I would be ok. During the summer of 2005 my wife Angela and I walked several miles along the North Yorkshire coastline and in and around Scarborough. I was not experiencing pain at that time.
During the autumn of 2005 the pain became more unpleasant and I visited my GP. She sent me to see a doctor. He suggested a steroid injection which normally helped about 60% of his patients. This did not work and he suggested I had a Radio Frequency Lesioning. I was taking codeine at the time and he suggested I had a BuTrans patch whilst I was awaiting the RFL. Before the procedure I was sat comfortably in a room at the Nuffield in Tunbridge Wells. The nurse asked about the pain level and I told her about 1 or 2 on the lower right leg . I must have also mentioned the left leg as this has been a long term problem. The surgeon appeared briefly and requested that I sign a piece of paper for him to go ahead with the procedure. At no time had he verbally explained what risks were involved in the procedure. My wife picked me up from the hospital on the same day and took me home. Very shortly afterwards, a couple of days, I was in great pain. I tried to contact the surgeon but he was ‘on leave’. A friend who is a nurse suggested that under the circumstances that I went to my GP. I saw my GP who prescribed Oromorph and Diazepam. Although each medication must have had a Patient Information Leaflet I was in so much pain that I took the medication as prescribed by my doctor. The pain continued to get worse. I went back to see him again and he prescribed zomorph to be taken twice daily. The pain continued to get worse and I was taken to A&E. There a Dr said that I was to take 2.5 ml of oromorph every half hour until the pain subsided. This I did. It took most of the day and a lot of oromorph for the pain to become bearable. I eventually returned to see the surgeon who gave me Celebrex and Duragesic patches. I followed the medical advice with the pain medicine but ended up stopping breathing and losing consciousness from an opiate overdose and was rushed to hospital. I was told to stop taking the morphine which I did at once. I may presume that I was ‘cold turkeyed’. This was about Jan 2006.
A few days later I became tearful for what appeared no apparent reason. At no time was I told that this was to be a short term drug. I started to shake violently and cried uncontrollably (I presume this was a reaction to being taken off the morphine too quickly).

I was taken into the local psychiatric hospital. I was still taking diazepam. No medical professional had seen fit to check how long I had been taking this drug and the dangers of me taking it over a prolonged time. Whilst in psychiatric hospital I was given a drug called Trazadone. I was not told what this was for: On the first night I took the tablet my whole body started to burn and I felt very unwell. I went to see the nurse, whose name I have forgotten and he said it would be ok. On the second and subsequent occasions I took the drug my body would burn during the night. This went on for some time. I was discharged and felt a bit better but not really ‘with it’, I was also irritable. I was continuing to take the Trazadone and the diazepam. The burning continued. At about Easter I became very ill with flu like symptoms and my GP diagnosed flu. I now believe this to be an incorrect diagnosis and I was in fact experiencing withdrawal symptoms from diazepam. I would take my nocte medication at about 10pm and awake at about 2 to 3 am with my body burning. Because this had first happened when I had taken the Trazadone I was of the opinion it was this drug which was causing the problem. I managed to get through to my out patient psychiatrist and told him of the problem. I had developed a rash on my face and was given the advice to stop taking the Trazadone. At that time I was taking 200mg. My GP gave the advice to cut down to 100 mg for three days and then to 50mg for three days and finally stop. From what I have subsequently learned this time schedule for stopping the trazadone was far too abrupt.
Sadly the nocturnal burning continued. My GP gave me the advice to continue taking the diazepam as normal and there would be times when I would just forget to take a tablet and so I would slowly come off this medication. It was in no way and at no time structured and monitored by my GP. I have since been told by my surgeon that this was not negligent but "bad practise". Also several groups involved with diazepam withdrawal have said that this was a bad withdrawal protocol.
Then came the 4am ‘seizures’. These turned out to be anxiety attacks. My whole body would shake violently and I experienced the most frightening muscle cramps and muscle tensioning. Prior to this I had never experienced anxiety at all with the exception of waiting for my wife to be ready on time when we were going out to a function and this was extremely mild, could call it annoyance really. The ‘attacks’ became more frequent and lasted longer. I was taken to hospital and given gas and air and sent home. Still the attacks continued. On one occasion I was taken to A&E and later transferred to the psychiatric hospital. The Doctors wanted to discharge me but my wife insisted that I stay so that they could observe the attacks and do something about them. They did observe, and I can only conclude they misdiagnosed me because I was told to go to my room and do my ‘relaxation’. It appeared to me that since I had not had these anxiety attacks before then something was causing them. I thought that it may be connected to the diazepam. The staff at psychiatric hospital appeared not to have made the connection. I was eventually discharged.
I began to feel very very strange and went to see a GP. He said I was depressed and prescribed escitalopram, 5mg. I was not told what type of drug this was, what effect it could have on me etc. Trusting the Doctor I duly took the medication. I was still taking the diazepam. My GP said that I should not drive whilst taking the drug so wanting to drive I requested to come off it. From the advice of the psychiatrist at the psychiatric hospital, I was told to cut from 10mg to 7.5mg for five days, then cut by another 2.5mg for five days and so on until I was finally off the drug. This I did and initially felt ok. I had been on the drug for 4 months. After about ten days or so ‘all hell let loose’, I had a most horrendous anxiety attack and tried to commit suicide. I was taken back to psychiatric hospital. My dose of citalopram was increased to 30mg and then 50mg. I continued to experience the most frightening anxiety attacks.
Whilst in hospital, at these times I was told to go to my room and ‘practise my relaxation’. Every time I tried to lie down my stomach muscles would cramp and my body would twist up. I was now extremely frightened and very worried. The staff in the hospital did not seem to care. They would say see the Doctor and they continued to give out medication. At some time I was given Olanzapine. I was informed that this would be for a short period only and that it was to improve my mood. I continued to take this drug for several weeks. The hospital psychiatrist said that I was to take zopiclone since sleep was important. I was not aware that zopiclone was a benzo like drug and addictive . This worked for about four or five days and then I would not sleep at all. The nurses said that I had slept and one said that he could tell so by listening to my breathing whilst he stood at the door! However I knew damn well I was not sleeping. I continued to take the zopiclone for about three weeks and since by now they were no longer effective, I stopped. Several days later I experienced terrifying anxiety attacks. I was sweating profusely during the night. I explained this to the staff who said it was because the weather was hot. It was not the case. During the day I would not sweat but during the night my bedclothes would become very wet. I could feel the water running off my head and chest! I was not sleeping and was told that if I was not sleeping I was to rise from my bed, walk to the office and tell the nurses. I thought that this was absurd! After about three or four nights of this one of the night nurses, Shane said that it had become a ‘battle of wills’. This was totally untrue and so after this I saw very little point in rising from my bed to go to the office. I would have no sleep at all and just watch the clock go round.
The psychiatrist said that I was not making progress and would try ECT. I was not happy about this and so he stopped the citalopram put me on 60 mg Duloxetine.
I was now in fear of my life and hated the place. My wife would bring me home during the day and I would return at night. There seemed little point in continuing in the manner and I was eventually discharged. I would just lay around as I had not energy or strength. At my discharge I was taking 3.75mg Olanzapine and had been taking that for about two months. It was stopped immediately.
I went to a local pub for a meal and could not stop shaking. I decided to try and get some information from the internet and from what I had learned and to whom I had spoken BAT (Battle Against Tranquillisers) and CITA (Council for Information on Tranquillisers and Antidepressants), I had been taken off the diazepam far too quickly, would have to go back on, stabilise and come off more slowly if I was to return to any sort of normality. I saw my GP who put me on 15 mg Diazepam. My GP dropped my dose of duloxetine from 60mg to 30mg in one go! I contacted CITA who suggested that I went on citalopram and my dose has been slowly dropped to 18mg. BAT has helped me get from 15mg to 12mg.
I am in a catch 22 situation. I need to get some relief from the pain in my back to help me get off the diazepam but the anxiety from the diazepam is making my pain worse.
My GP has told me to wait and get my pain sorted out before I try any further in coming off the diazepam. At present I am just in an existence. I am very depressed and can do very little. I do not want to spend the rest of my life like this.
I was in pain before I had the radio frequency procedure but the pain is now many times worse. I am fervently of the opinion that something did not go according to plan with the surgery and made my pain so much worse. Indeed my surgeon said the procedure is a bit ‘hit or miss’. I have read that I should have been awake whilst the procedure was taking place so that the surgeon could ‘get the right spot’. I was heavily sedated all the time and totally unaware of anything which was happening.
When I first met my psychiatrist I was trembling and shaking and I told him that I was of the opinion that the diazepam was causing it. He said that my manifestation of symptoms was not related to diazepam and that the symptoms were anxiety. I now find it incredulous that the psychiatrist did not recognise that the anxiety could have been related to the diazepam. I repeatedly said that my continued symptoms, shaking, anxiety, burning, depression were related to the diazepam. I was repeatedly told that it was not possible since I was now ‘off’ the drug. I find this incredulous since me as a lay person can find so much information about the drug to discover that the symptoms can continue for around a year after the patient is completely ‘off the drug.’ I am of the opinion that the psychiatrist and some of the staff at psychiatric hospital have made major mistakes in my diagnosis.
At about June 2006 I was still experiencing pain. My GP tried dihydrocodeine (DF118) to be taken 3 times a day. I was almost unconscious. This was stopped. I was tried on Ibuprofen. This did not work. I was given Oxycontin. This did not work and was duly taken off it. I was referred to St Thomas's hospital pain clinic who said that opiates would not work anyway and to stop them. I had returned to codiene phosphate x 3 to get an edge off the pain but stopped them on the advice of St Thomas’ (another cold turkey).
I can’t remember exactly when but I was in great pain and extremely anxious. I was shaking violently and decided to take an overdose. I did this one morning but decided to drive to the hospital in the evening. I had taken 250mg diazepam and god knows how many acupan pain killers. I was checked and sent home later that night. My days continued to be hell. A great deal of pain in my legs, and withdrawal symptoms. I could not function at all. I would walk around the house, not knowing what to do.
My Brother from Yorkshire came down to see me and suggested I go back with him for a few days to give my wife a break. I did and travelled in significant pain. Whilst up there I felt impotent and not able to function. I was still taking the diazepam and the citalopram. Again I had had enough and made another attempt at taking my life. My brother brought me back to Maidstone and I was admitted to the psychiatric hospital again.
I was given 3x 5mg of seroquel per day. All I could do was lay around on my bed.
I was discharged 10 days later with a repeat prescription. I continued taking the seroquel but could not function as I was out of my head. After several weeks I was informed that this drug was contra-indicated in diazepam withdrawal. I was stopped with immediate effect (another cold turkey). At home I developed more shaking and writhing of arms and legs. I became desperate and tried to jump out of the window.
The GP was called and he said he thought the symptoms were drug related. He immediately cut my citalopram from 30mg to 20mg. I have been experiencing extreme anxiety and severe pain ever since.
My life is now virtually over. I spend most of the day walking around aimlessly and if I attempt anything more than making a cup of tea or a sandwhich I get severe pain. Today like most days I have done virtually nothing except cry from the pain. The out patient psychiatrist said that he had a multi disciplinary meeting and was of the opinion my anxiety was increasing the pain and I should find something meaningful to do during the day!
My wife and family are really feeling the strain. I try so very hard to do things, to get dressed, to have a bath, to walk a bit, to try and get up from where I am and help my wife but it is so so difficult.
I am absolutely terrified for the quality of my life in the future. My only hope is to try and get off the 8mg diazepam and 20mg citalopram and pray the anxiety will leave me, the pain will decrease in intensity and that my ability to function will return. I am attending the pain clinic and although I know that they cannot help with the effects the drugs have had on me, I do hope that they can help me with the pain.
From being a man running a property company with £2.5million assets, a senior Freemason and involved with other charity work in December 2006 I now have no quality of life. One thing I have learned is that many medical professionals do not always know what they are doing and treat human beings as lumps of meat to experiment on.
With the exception of being exhausted by drugs and pain, I am of sound mind!
Please please God nothing happens to me but if it does this is my story (and I am sure I may have forgotten some things.) How could my GP have left me for 4 months on the diazepam? Why was I not told about the Trazadone causing me the burning? Why was I taken off both drugs so quickly? Why did the Psychiatrist not recognise my shaking and anxiety as withdrawal symptoms from a cold turkey of Diazepam. Why was I given bad advice and allow me to go back on the poison when reinstating after being off for a while doesn't often work? Why do so many Doctors, and Nurses in psychiatric hospitals know so very little about the drugs they administer? If I have written anything slanderous its because I feel the rest of my life has been taken away from me.

Ernie.

Update:

Ernie sadly lost his battle and took his own life on the 24th of January 2008. He struggled to cope with the effects of benzodiazepine addiction, physical pain and personal problems which became overwhelming for him. He will be fondly remembered and sadly missed by all of us who knew him.